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I’ve spent the morning “spring cleaning” – getting rid of stuff I no longer use – blogs I don’t write for anymore, links that no longer link anywhere and stuff like that.

This morning about 6:45 after my teenager got on the school bus, I was sitting here drinking my coffee and I just felt kinda bogged down. Not heavy bogged down, but just enough that it caused me to think about things. And I realized that in order to CREATE anything, I have to be willing to LET OTHER THINGS GO. (Of course, I knew that already really, but it was one of those moments like “Well, hey, no time like the present!”)

And so shortly thereafter, I got an email that reminded me about renewing my weight loss blogs domain name and even though I enjoy that blog and I really do intend to write there more often, I made the decision to let it go – to not renew it. Once I had that decision made, it just kind of snow-balled a bunch of other similar decisions and I’ve spent the last while letting go of all kinds of things that simply no longer serve my purpose.

I feel peaceful about this change and I think that’s really helping me feel peaceful about some other changes that I’ve been considering for quite some time. Some HUGE changes, actually.

Now it’s just simply time to get on with it. As much as these other changes will be difficult, I am feeling ok about them in the long run. I know the short term will be rough and I’ll have to make some adjustments, but in the end, I think it’s the choice I have to make.

And I know that’s pretty cryptic – sorry – but I’ll let you know about those things soon. I have to make them happen first before I can really discuss them. But trust me – when the time comes, I will NEED A LOT OF TALKING and I’ll be here saying all that needs to said.

Until then,

Be blessed,

I’ve been ignoring something for a long time. Something I just didn’t want to have to admit to myself. But in an effort to live my truth – to CREATE my truth – I must let this out and acknowledge it.

Most people, just looking at me, don’t know there’s anything wrong with my arm. It looks normal – on the outside. On the inside, though, it doesn’t work quite right.

See, I have no feeling from mid biceps all the way down to the palm of my hand. It’s been like that for over 23 years now. Well, not quite as bad in the beginning – it’s gotten worse over the years. At first, it was mostly around my elbow and part of my forearm along with part of my wrist and hand.

What caused this?

A bike riding accident.

I fell off my bike going down a steep hill at a pretty high rate of speed and slid 20-something feet across the pavement. Thankfully I protected my head or I probably wouldn’t have had a face left. But . . . since I *did* protect my head as I fell and slid, I managed to totally screw up my arm.

When I was 14, about 6 months after the accident, I had surgery to repair part of the damaged nerves. The surgery rerouted the major nerve that goes from the shoulder to the hand, called the ulner nerve. It’s the one that makes your arm feel funny when you hit your “funny bone.” It’s not actually the bone you’re hitting that causes the funny sensation – it’s the ulner nerve. And let me tell you, when you DON’T have an ulner nerve there and you hit your elbow, it hurts like freakin’ hell. And I’m not kidding.

Anyway, the sliding across the pavement damaged that nerve along with just about every other nerve in my elbow region. In addition to the nerve damage, I also have tendonitis and bursitis in my elbow. I’m sure by now there’s arthritis too and who knows what else.

Over the years, the non-feeling area has widened and like I said above, it now goes from mid-biceps all the way to into the palm of my hand. Sometimes my fingers go numb too.

I cannot grip things with my right hand very well anymore as result. I drop things constantly or think I’ve picked something up but really haven’t. The sensation is all out of whack and it’s often hard to tell without actually looking to see what I’m doing. I can’t pick up a penny or a nickel or any coin from a table. I have to slide it to the edge of the surface and let it fall into my hand.

Now, as a right-handed person, this is not good. Especially as a right-handed WRITER. And although I am ambidextrous and can write left-handed, I do prefer to write right-handed because, well, it looks slightly nicer.

Yes, I can type – obviously. But do you know how beautiful it is to hold your favorite pen in your hand and write? Write on fine paper? Write and scribble and doodle? Pen lovely words to those you hold dear?

I’ve always been a “writer” type person. Even as a child. Most girls had Barbies and dolls and what-not. I had paper, pens, crayons and all that good stuff. I was always writing. (If I wasn’t out riding my bike, that is!)

I always knew this day would come, the day the doctor told my mom 23 years ago would eventually come. The day when I really couldn’t write well. The day my nice, neat, oft-complimented handwriting would turn into chicken scratch. That holding a pen would be so uncomfortable, I wouldn’t even want to write.

Well, that day is here.

It’s been here for a while now and I just didn’t want to admit it. I kept thinking maybe it was just the pen. Or maybe it was just the paper. But no, it really is my arm.

Earlier this morning, I wrote a note for my sons absence from school yesterday and didn’t even recognize my own writing. It looked like . . . I don’t even know what.

So, this is a very discouraging place for me. As someone who has always taken pride in their writing, to no longer have that is quite upsetting. It’s like losing your best friend or your most prized possession.

A part of me is gone.

And I’m really not quite sure what to do about it. I knew it was going to happen at some point, but I really had hoped it wouldn’t be until I was considerably older.

Until next time -

Be blessed,

You may remember that I’ve been having trouble with weight gain. I was convinced it was due to the prescription I’ve been on since late last spring for high blood pressure. And you may remember that on my last update about this, I finally got the doctor to agree that it was probable.

In fact, the doctor and I determined I’d gained almost 25 pounds since I began taking it! So, he changed the medication on my last visit. I’ve been on the new prescription for about 3 weeks now and I am happy to report . . .

I’ve lost 10 pounds!!! (Note: I have not changed a single thing besides the prescription!)

And it was confirmed at the doctors office this afternoon. I’m so happy about that. I feel better too, of course. Though I am a bit more tired lately. He did say that this particular med could cause some fatigue. I would much rather deal with a little fatigue than a whole lotta weight gain.

I’m also happy to report that my blood pressure was even lower today!! Even on the previous medication, it had still been slightly higher than my normal range. But today it was right in line with what it’s always been. I’m so, so happy about that!

AND . . . I’m also VERY HAPPY TO SAY that my 11 year old DOES NOT HAVE DIABETES!! Yay! He had the testing today and it all came back normal. WooHoo!

The only thing that’s not good news is that xrays on my back confirmed that I have arthritis in my lower spine. So, the doctor ordered an MRI for both my back and my shoulder.

In any case, this is shaping up to be a good month! I am just over the top that my son isn’t diabetic. My dad and sister were both diabetic and I remember all they went through. I didn’t want that for my son. I know diabetes isn’t the end of the world, but remember — he’s the one with autism. So, adding another thing to the mix . . . well, lets just say, it was a very stressful thought.

Hope your week is good one!

Until next time . . .

Be blessed,

You know, I always imagined that by this time of my life (I’m turning 37 today), I would have things figured out. I would have the life I’d dreamed about since I was young. That I would be well-off, educated, happy, successful. But about a year ago, the reality hit me I was not on target to reach all of those goals by this point in my life.

Frankly, it was a B.I.G. let-down. I’m not going to lie and sugar-coat it. I was unhappy about it. I felt depressed. I felt ashamed. I felt like I’d made a mess of my aspirations. And I was hurting inside. I wanted so much more for myself!

But you know what?

I came to the realization a few months ago that those were my own self-imposed limitations! I had set myself up for the feelings of guilt and shame and powerlessness. I realized sometimes things go a different way than we intend and it’s ok. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world. There’s nothing wrong with that.

So, here’s the deal – I’ve given myself permission to move forward from here and to CREATE new dreams. New intentions. New expectations.

And knowing myself better today than I did all those years ago, I’d say I’m much better prepared to actually become the person I long to be.

There are changes coming. I feel like a I have a second wind, a new beginning. I feel a new strength welling up inside me and I am ready to let everything I have to offer come pouring out to share with the world.

Of course, you know what they say about an overnight success?

It’s years in the making . . .

And now, my years in the making are over.

It all begins today.

Be blessed,

Earlier this year, I wrote about my new ThemeWord for 2010 – CREATE. So far, I must say, I haven’t created much of anything. Mostly as a result of having a house full of sick kids for going on almost 2 weeks now.

And if that weren’t bad enough – when I took them to the doctor Thursday, the doctor thinks my 11 year old son (the autistic one) may be diabetic. Hopefully, we’ll get the necessary tests done this week to find out for sure.

Anyway – back to CREATE. My birthday is coming up this week. I’ll be 37. I usually don’t tell people my age but I’m doing so in the interest of the topic – Reinventing Annie.

Now, don’t worry – I wouldn’t call this a mid-life crisis or something. I just feel like this is my 2nd wind. This is my time.

The first half of my life has been about other people – my family, mostly. Earlier in the scheme of things, it was about school or work or whatever else I’ve done in the past. And now this part of my life is going to be about myself. Not in some conceited, “me first” kind of way – but more like, I am me and this is who I am. This is what I want to do with my life.

I won’t be letting my family define me anymore. I won’t be letting my personal beliefs define me anymore. Nor my parents. Or siblings. Or my work. Or my writing.

This is me on my terms.

And I am Reinventing Annie.

Stay tuned.

Be blessed,

PS – Would you keep my son in your thoughts? He already has so many things in his young life and diabetes might be a hard row to hoe for him if indeed he is diagnosed with it. Thanks! I appreciate it.

It’s 2010 and I’m thinking big. I’m adjusting my perceptions, making some decisions and keeping my ThemeWord (CREATE) at the forefront of what I do and plan to do. Granted, it’s only Day 2 of the New Year but I have hopes for this year. And I think that those close to me may be a little bit surprised about some of my plans.

Now, I know a lot of people tell anybody who will listen what their plans are. Not me. I keep my plans all tucked away inside my head. Why? Because I think that sometimes sharing everything with those around you gives the naysayers an opportunity to speak up. And speak up they will. Especially those closest to you.

Oh sure – they’ll say it’s only because they care about you. They’ll say it’s only because they want the best for you. In some way or another, they’ll shoot down every shining star you try to reach. And maybe it’s because they’re insecure in their own thoughts. Maybe they’re jealous. Or maybe they just don’t know any better.

Whatever the reason, my solution is to just not tell them in the first place! I may give a general idea, but I’m not one to actually put my whole thoughts out there for all the world to see and say “This is what I’m going to accomplish this year.”

I know that often the big goal and motivation gurus will tell you that putting your intentions out there for everyone to see will keep you accountable. Maybe for some. For me? It simply doesn’t work. And I hope maybe that gives you a little bit of hope as well, to realize that the gurus don’t always know the answers . . .

In any case, let me just say – I don’t do resolutions or set goals. I find they hinder my achievements. That’s not to say I don’t have some sort of a road map for what I want out of life – it just says goals and resolutions, which some say are meant to be broken – aren’t the end all, be all thing. And if you don’t do them, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Personally, I choose to call them something else, such as intentions, that doesn’t have some stigma or preconceived idea attached to it like “You’re a failure if you don’t reach the goal.” Failure is fine and sometimes necessary. But not meeting the goal isn’t always failure and I think a lot people get caught up in that, thinking it IS.

Again, I’m here to tell you – not meeting the goal isn’t always a failure. Only YOU can decide whether you’ve failed or not. Maybe the outcome wasn’t the end result you expected but that doesn’t mean something wasn’t learned or gained along the way that is far more important than the outcome.

I encourage you to find a system that works for you in creating some kind of plan for your life. Call them goals or resolutions if you wish but know that you don’t have to. You can call them whatever works for you. The idea is to have some sort of concept about what you’d like to accomplish and by when.

There is a lot more I plan to share about goals and the process of mapping out your ideas over the coming days and weeks as this New Year gets underway. I think it’s an important topic and while it’s at the forefront of everyone’s thoughts, I figured I’d put my .02¢ worth in.

Right now, I encourage you to just pick a word that you feel lead to associate with this year. As I mentioned previously, my ThemeWord for 2010 is CREATE. For 2009, it was ACTION. And basically, you just take that word and apply it to everything you do. Let it be your motivator, your guide and your anchor.

Be blessed,

And PS – I have some cool tools coming soon! Tomorrow, look for 3 forms I designed that I use in my own work and family life including a Weekly Menu Planner and a Mini Character Sheet. I hope you enjoy them!

Every year during the last few weeks of December, I like to sit back and think about the past year. It’s a time of reflection and introspection for me. And I think, probably a lot of other people. This time between Christmas and New Year’s is maybe a little less hectic and I find it’s a good time to just relax and think about things.

I’m not really one for resolutions – I think they often do more harm than good. Instead, I like to create an outline of the things I hope to accomplish in the coming months, more like milestones I hope to cross. I simply ask myself “What do I want for this year?” Sometimes, the answers surprise me.

And last year, I started a new tradition – a theme word that becomes my single-minded goal for the year. For 2009, that was Action. I planned to simply take Action on anything I felt compelled to do. I must say, it worked out rather nicely! And I think I’ll keep the tradition.

So today I was a reading a blog I subscribe to and low and behold! I find out she and several other people in the blogosphere do this keyword for the year thing! Only they have been calling it a “ThemeWord” so I’ve decided I’m going to borrow that name and call it my ThemeWord. Because, really, “single-minded goal” is just a mouthful! LOL

In any case, I’m not entirely sure what my ThemeWord for 2010 will be yet. I’m leaning towards Create but due to a few things I’ve experienced in the past few weeks, I think it could turn out to be Transition, instead. Frankly, I’m a little scared by that. But we’ll see what happens, I guess.

What do you do this time of year? Anything special? Do you do New Years resolutions? Why or why not?

Regardless of what you do this time of year, I wish you much peace, relaxation and happiness in 2010 and beyond!

In the arena,