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Personal issues
Apr 5, 2010

Personal issues

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I apologize for not being around lately and for leaving this place void of new posts and things.

It’s not that I meant to leave you alone for so long, I’ve just been dealing with some personal issues that have taken up much of my time and mostly, my energy. The day to day things I’ve been preparing have left me with no energy for anything besides my family.

And while that has been good for me, it probably hasn’t been so great for you and I apologize to you for that.

Now, a few of you do know what’s been going on and I want thank you for standing by me and offering your support, your friendship and your time. It means more to me than you will ever know, more than I can ever express. And though these words seem inadequate, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For those of you who don’t know, I am going to spill the beans in just a few minutes but first, I want to say that this is likely the only time I’ll really speak about it on this blog. I don’t want this blog to become something it never was intended to be and also — I don’t like to focus on the ugly things in life. I much, much prefer to focus on the all good stuff and that’s what I try to do here, be positive.

So the big news is very personal and, as you know if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, I rarely discuss truly personal things. I may tell you about my family or something we did together and such like that but I don’t think I’ve ever talked about something THIS personal before.

Please bear with me . . .

(. . . . . . . . taking a deep breath . . . . . . . .)

I’ve kicked my husband out of the house.

A few months ago, I began to notice things. At first, just small things. I had a niggling thought in the back of my mind but I didn’t pay attention to it. I just dismissed it . . . because, see, we’ve down this road once before. So I was hoping – hoping beyond all hope – that I was wrong.

But . . . I wasn’t. Unfortunately.

Not even in the least. It’s even more this time than it was last time. I knew I should have sent him packing back then. But he said he’d get help, he said it would never happen again. And I told him it would take a very, very long time to rebuild my trust – to regain – my trust.

And he blew it all. Again.

He began, from what I can tell, by chatting with other women online and responding to personal ads on various websites. He browsed dating websites and made contact with several women. He created profiles on dating sites where he said he was either single or divorced. He sent other women nude pictures of himself. He received nude pictures of some of them.

Now I have learned that he has actually met some of them in person. And not just for coffee . . .

Not only all of that, but he has stolen money from me, not paid bills he was supposed to pay and gotten involved in some scam that has gotten his PayPal account frozen. I also suspect it has caused him some issues with his bank account as well. Thank god we don’t have a joint account! But I do fear that because I’ve sent him electronic transfers from MY account, that somehow the scammers have my info anyway. As a result, I’m canceling my cards and closing my accounts.

Anyway, although the 2 older kids know, the 2 younger ones do not and I don’t plan to tell them until they specifically ask questions. Right now, they just think he’s “at school” since that’s the norm. Until recently, he had evening classes so they are used to him not being home for dinner and bedtime. Due to that, it’s made it’s pretty simple so far.

You know what breaks my heart the most, though?

I know, somewhere down deep inside, he really is a good guy. He can very sweet. He can be very attentive and for the most part, he’s a fairly decent father a good amount of the time. And it saddens me most that somewhere along the line, he has lost his way.

Even so, I just cannot tolerate this type of behavior. The good stuff, unfortunately, doesn’t make up for the bad stuff. Not like this. I mean, I can handle the little things. We all have our quirks and areas where we can improve. But when it comes to morals, I can’t compromise my own.

And that’s what this boils down to. I have to be true to myself. Because how I can be true to my family, my children, otherwise? How can I be true to those who need me most if I cannot be true to myself first?

That realization, to be true to myself, finally lead to my decision to ask him to leave. Probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my whole life.

Although it is hard and there will obstacles in the future as well, I am certain I’ve made the right choice.

For me, for now, that is enough.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for your understanding. I hope I’ll be able to post more again very soon. Until then . . . as always, my friends -

Be blessed,

{ write * design * blog }
Filed Under: Life, Personal · Tagged:
Lots of spring cleaning
Feb 26, 2010

Lots of spring cleaning

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I’ve spent the morning “spring cleaning” – getting rid of stuff I no longer use – blogs I don’t write for anymore, links that no longer link anywhere and stuff like that.

This morning about 6:45 after my teenager got on the school bus, I was sitting here drinking my coffee and I just felt kinda bogged down. Not heavy bogged down, but just enough that it caused me to think about things. And I realized that in order to CREATE anything, I have to be willing to LET OTHER THINGS GO. (Of course, I knew that already really, but it was one of those moments like “Well, hey, no time like the present!”)

And so shortly thereafter, I got an email that reminded me about renewing my weight loss blogs domain name and even though I enjoy that blog and I really do intend to write there more often, I made the decision to let it go – to not renew it. Once I had that decision made, it just kind of snow-balled a bunch of other similar decisions and I’ve spent the last while letting go of all kinds of things that simply no longer serve my purpose.

I feel peaceful about this change and I think that’s really helping me feel peaceful about some other changes that I’ve been considering for quite some time. Some HUGE changes, actually.

Now it’s just simply time to get on with it. As much as these other changes will be difficult, I am feeling ok about them in the long run. I know the short term will be rough and I’ll have to make some adjustments, but in the end, I think it’s the choice I have to make.

And I know that’s pretty cryptic – sorry – but I’ll let you know about those things soon. I have to make them happen first before I can really discuss them. But trust me – when the time comes, I will NEED A LOT OF TALKING and I’ll be here saying all that needs to said.

Until then,

Be blessed,

{ write * design * blog }

Filed Under: Life, Mindset, Personal, Self, Work · Tagged: ,
A simple request
Feb 25, 2010

A simple request

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So, this is not what I was going to write today – I’ll finish that later and post it tomorrow.

I’m a little sad today. Ok – a lot sad, really.

Our neighbor, Wendy, passed away this morning. She wasn’t very old – barely into her 60′s. She’s been our neighbor for 22 years and was a great friend of my mom.

About 8 or so months ago, Wendy was diagnosed with having ALS, known more commonly as Lou Gherig’s disease. The doctors estimate she’d been having symptoms of the disease for quite some time before the diagnosis but who knows how long, really. She often refused to see a traditional doctor. As a nurse, she generally “diagnosed” herself and was always trying weird things – fastings and diets and what-not. I’m sure some of those took their toll on her.

Anyway, she and her husband have been good friends to our family for many years and I’m sad she’s gone.

Please say a prayer, send a thought, light a candle for her and for her husband, will you? I know Jerry is going to need a lot of support in the coming days and weeks.

Thank you.

Be blessed,

{ write * design * blog }

Filed Under: Health & Fitness, Personal · Tagged:
Arthritis and a cane
Feb 12, 2010

Arthritis and a cane

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I don’t often talk about myself – well, not truly personal things – here on this blog. Mostly because I don’t really like to dwell on things that are going on in my life. But I’m going to break that silence today.

See, what you may not know is that I’m “disabled.” I don’t like to label myself as disabled, though, because when I think of someone truly disabled, I think of my dad who not only had an artificial leg, but was missing several fingers on both hands. Yet, he never thought of himself as disabled either.

It used to bug me to no end when people would stare at my dad when we went somewhere. I used to get so livid that people could be so rude! Sometimes I even told them so! LOL (Yes, I was a feisty kid!)

I always think of someone in a wheelchair or someone who uses a walker or mobility scooter as someone who is really disabled. I think I’m doing pretty good most days when I see people using those devices!

And so, even though my doctor says I now must begin using a cane, I am not going to think of myself as disabled. So there! ;-) LOL

Last week when I was in the doctors office for my back and shoulder, she said I really should use a cane. Apparently the arthritis in my low back is really causing some degeneration in the spine that she’s concerned about. Especially since I lose feeling my leg quite easily. And when she couldn’t even get my leg to reflex when she tapped my knee with the little hammer, she decided we needed an MRI.

Hopefully the referral for the MRI for both my back and my shoulder (which she also decided was necessary) will come this week and I get those done. The doctor also thinks it’s time to get started on social security paperwork and I suspect that also will mean paperwork for a disabled parking permit.

The worst part for me is realizing that in the last 6 months, I’ve lost A LOT of motion in my legs and low back. It seems like no matter what I do, everything is getting worse. I feared that one day this would come. In fact, when I first hurt my back in 1997, the doctors told me then that it likely would occur at some point. I just wasn’t planning on it happening until I’d at least reached my 50′s or so.

Anyway, I’m not going to dwell on it – I will do what I always do – what my dad taught me to do by his example and that is to do the best I can and to take it one day at a time.

And when my cane arrives next week, I’ll post a picture of it for you! It shipped yesterday so hopefully it arrives by Wednesday or Thursday. I really hope Wednesday, though, because that’s usually when I go grocery shopping and it would make it so much easier! Even though my mom usually goes shopping with me to help push the cart and carry the bags in, I would like to be able to walk around the store without so much pain.

I also found a really cool walking stick last weekend but decided against buying as it was a little pricey. If it had been about $30, I probably would have gotten it. My mom thought it was a little high for me, though. Oh well!

I think maybe I’ll get a couple of other canes too. Maybe some fancy ones. I figure, if you’ve gotta use one, you may as well go all out, right? Be a little crazy, a little goofy. Have some fun!

Canes are the new shoes. I’ll have one for every occasion! ;-)

Be blessed,

{ write * design * blog }

Filed Under: Health & Fitness, Life, Personal, Self ·
Themes for 2010
Jan 28, 2010

Themes for 2010

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With the close of January coming up very soon, I thought I’d post one more time about my Themes for 2010. Earlier this month, I wrote about my ThemeWord for the year – CREATE. And it’s my single-minded goal for 2010. What that means, is I take that one word and apply it to everything I do – “What can I CREATE with this?” With only one thing to focus on, I find clarity as well as productivity in the things I do every day.

I’ve read several blogs recently that are taking this ThemeWord thing even farther and adding in things like Theme Song, Theme Color, and a variety of other ideas. While I don’t want to take it that far myself, I do like the idea of themes. Like I already said above, it creates clarity and productivity for me plus it also gives me a sense of balance.

(And sometimes a sense of balance is sorely lacking in the world around me! LOL)

Now, having said that, I am going to add a ThemeColor to my ThemeWord for 2010. I don’t know about a song. Maybe I’ll find one that really draws me in and compliments my other theme choices but for now, no song. ;-)

So here’s my color . . .

pinkSwatch.png

Mind you, I do NOT like pink very well (I’m not a girly-girl!) but I do like the brightness of this color. If I thought I could effectively change my blog design to incorporate this color, I would. But I think it would end up throwing the design off quite a bit and I have yet to find a design I like better than this one. So for now, no design change either but that may come at some point as well.

Have you considered adopting any themes for this year? Why or why not? And if so, which themes have you incorporated into your life and/or business?

(Please don’t be afraid of disqus! It’s a great commenting system. Oh – and speaking of disqus, look out for my post tomorrow about exactly why I decided to implement disqus here. I hope it’s helpful to you!)

Until then . . .

Be blessed,

{ write * design * blog }

Remember – you can always contact me via the contact form if you don’t want to leave a comment but feel like you have something to share.

Filed Under: Ideas, Mindset, Personal, Work · Tagged: , , , , ,
Reinventing Annie
Jan 18, 2010

Reinventing Annie

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Earlier this year, I wrote about my new ThemeWord for 2010 – CREATE. So far, I must say, I haven’t created much of anything. Mostly as a result of having a house full of sick kids for going on almost 2 weeks now.

And if that weren’t bad enough – when I took them to the doctor Thursday, the doctor thinks my 11 year old son (the autistic one) may be diabetic. Hopefully, we’ll get the necessary tests done this week to find out for sure.

Anyway – back to CREATE. My birthday is coming up this week. I’ll be 37. I usually don’t tell people my age but I’m doing so in the interest of the topic – Reinventing Annie.

Now, don’t worry – I wouldn’t call this a mid-life crisis or something. I just feel like this is my 2nd wind. This is my time.

The first half of my life has been about other people – my family, mostly. Earlier in the scheme of things, it was about school or work or whatever else I’ve done in the past. And now this part of my life is going to be about myself. Not in some conceited, “me first” kind of way – but more like, I am me and this is who I am. This is what I want to do with my life.

I won’t be letting my family define me anymore. I won’t be letting my personal beliefs define me anymore. Nor my parents. Or siblings. Or my work. Or my writing.

This is me on my terms.

And I am Reinventing Annie.

Stay tuned.

Be blessed,

PS – Would you keep my son in your thoughts? He already has so many things in his young life and diabetes might be a hard row to hoe for him if indeed he is diagnosed with it. Thanks! I appreciate it.

{ write * design * blog }
Filed Under: Ideas, Life, Mindset, Personal, Self · Tagged: ,
I don’t do resolutions
Jan 2, 2010

I don’t do resolutions

By ·

It’s 2010 and I’m thinking big. I’m adjusting my perceptions, making some decisions and keeping my ThemeWord (CREATE) at the forefront of what I do and plan to do. Granted, it’s only Day 2 of the New Year but I have hopes for this year. And I think that those close to me may be a little bit surprised about some of my plans.

Now, I know a lot of people tell anybody who will listen what their plans are. Not me. I keep my plans all tucked away inside my head. Why? Because I think that sometimes sharing everything with those around you gives the naysayers an opportunity to speak up. And speak up they will. Especially those closest to you.

Oh sure – they’ll say it’s only because they care about you. They’ll say it’s only because they want the best for you. In some way or another, they’ll shoot down every shining star you try to reach. And maybe it’s because they’re insecure in their own thoughts. Maybe they’re jealous. Or maybe they just don’t know any better.

Whatever the reason, my solution is to just not tell them in the first place! I may give a general idea, but I’m not one to actually put my whole thoughts out there for all the world to see and say “This is what I’m going to accomplish this year.”

I know that often the big goal and motivation gurus will tell you that putting your intentions out there for everyone to see will keep you accountable. Maybe for some. For me? It simply doesn’t work. And I hope maybe that gives you a little bit of hope as well, to realize that the gurus don’t always know the answers . . .

In any case, let me just say – I don’t do resolutions or set goals. I find they hinder my achievements. That’s not to say I don’t have some sort of a road map for what I want out of life – it just says goals and resolutions, which some say are meant to be broken – aren’t the end all, be all thing. And if you don’t do them, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Personally, I choose to call them something else, such as intentions, that doesn’t have some stigma or preconceived idea attached to it like “You’re a failure if you don’t reach the goal.” Failure is fine and sometimes necessary. But not meeting the goal isn’t always failure and I think a lot people get caught up in that, thinking it IS.

Again, I’m here to tell you – not meeting the goal isn’t always a failure. Only YOU can decide whether you’ve failed or not. Maybe the outcome wasn’t the end result you expected but that doesn’t mean something wasn’t learned or gained along the way that is far more important than the outcome.

I encourage you to find a system that works for you in creating some kind of plan for your life. Call them goals or resolutions if you wish but know that you don’t have to. You can call them whatever works for you. The idea is to have some sort of concept about what you’d like to accomplish and by when.

There is a lot more I plan to share about goals and the process of mapping out your ideas over the coming days and weeks as this New Year gets underway. I think it’s an important topic and while it’s at the forefront of everyone’s thoughts, I figured I’d put my .02ยข worth in. ;-)

Right now, I encourage you to just pick a word that you feel lead to associate with this year. As I mentioned previously, my ThemeWord for 2010 is CREATE. For 2009, it was ACTION. And basically, you just take that word and apply it to everything you do. Let it be your motivator, your guide and your anchor.

Be blessed,

And PS – I have some cool tools coming soon! Tomorrow, look for 3 forms I designed that I use in my own work and family life including a Weekly Menu Planner and a Mini Character Sheet. I hope you enjoy them!

{ write * design * blog }

Filed Under: Ideas, Personal, Self · Tagged: , , , ,
Stop SOPA