On Sunday, the social media community lost a valuable friend. Trey Pennington took his own life that morning. Now, I didn’t know Trey – had only heard of him and read some of his posts on social media and business but from the outpouring of support, it seems those who knew him thought of him as a remarkable, kind and generous man.

And it’s no doubt his death is a tragedy. As all unexpected deaths such as this are.

I’ve been touched by suicide a few times, known someone who took their own life or someone who tried. But the one that impacted me the most was someone I hardly knew. It happened when I was about 11, maybe 12 years old. A great aunt that I’d only met a handful of times shot herself one day. I’m sure a day much like Sunday was for Trey.

I’ll never forget the heartbreak I felt as I sat there crying on my mom’s shoulder after she explained to me what had happened. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by the thought that someone could actually kill themselves. I’d never even thought of such a thing.

Oh sure, I knew what suicide meant, you know, I knew the dictionary definition. But to actually realize that it was something someone could actually do to themselves was very scary. I remember feeling such a monumental sadness over it. Mostly, though, I was angry. I remember being angry at her. I didn’t understand how on earth someone could commit such a tragic, life altering act. Until that point in my life, I’d never felt such grief.

It’s still unclear to me why exactly her death impacted me the way it did given how little I really knew her. Maybe it was so I could understand it enough to help other people through it. Or to help others thinking about committing suicide to NOT go through with doing it. I don’t really know.

What I do know, though, is that depression touches many more people than we often think it does. I know that depression – true, depression – is not something you can just snap out of. It’s a mental illness that requires treatment, be it counseling or diet changes or medication. Depression CAN be helped.

I also know that sometimes all it takes is just ONE caring person to change the outcome. I know that for every person who goes through with it, there those who don’t because they found someone who cared.

And I know those left behind are always saddened and stunned. Left wondering what they could have done to help. Sometimes left blaming themselves.

But I also know there IS help out there. Suicide is never the answer. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And yes, I know that sounds cliche – but it’s absolutely true. There are resources. There are people who care.

Warning signs of suicide

When I was in middle school and high school, I worked with a team of other students in my school who were called “natural helpers” where we learned about things like depression, suicide, abuse and other issues and we were trained to notice things with our peers. We were trained on how to talk to people who were in need of a listener, a helper, a friend.

Here are some warning signs that we learned about suicide -

• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. (Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)
• Talking or writing about death or suicide.
• Withdrawing from family and friends.
• Feeling hopeless.
• Feeling helpless.
• Feeling strong anger or rage.
• Feeling trapped — like there is no way out of a situation.
• Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
• Abusing drugs or alcohol.
• Exhibiting a change in personality.
• Acting impulsively.
• Losing interest in most activities.
• Experiencing a change in sleeping habits.
• Experiencing a change in eating habits.
• Losing interest in most activities.
• Performing poorly at work or in school.
• Giving away prized, most cherished possessions.
• Writing a will or getting their affairs in order.
• Feeling excessive guilt or shame.
• Acting recklessly.

One other thing I want to say is that what often happens when someone has finally decided they are going to go through with suicide is they suddenly start acting very happy, they’re “on top of the world.” They suddenly act as though they haven’t got a care in the world and nothing could possibly be wrong. They act like a great weight has been lifted off their shoulders.

No, these warning signs don’t always occur, but they do happen in about 75% of cases. If you or someone you know is exhibiting any kind of abnormal behavior or showing a combination of some of the above signs, please talk to someone! Find a church, a counselor, a friend. Talk to someone! Hell, call a hotline if you have to! Dial 911 if the situation gets urgent.

The National Center for Suicide Prevention has operators in a number of cities throughout the US and they can give you help or direct you to a local place for support. Their number is 1-800-273-8255.

Suicide is still something I can’t wrap my head around. But I know it happens and I know that for every person who is contemplating it or is ready to do it, it’s very real. So I implore you - Don’t be afraid to stand up and stand out! A life may depend on it.

Please, don’t remain silent!

Until next time . . . keep blazin’!

Wishing you success, love + fire in your belly . . .

For the past week or so, I’ve been in a kind of funk. Not really depressed but more like pissed off at the world. Cranky and crabby. Ok well, truth be told, I’ll just come right out and say it – bitchy. I’ve been bitchy.

And I’ve been trying to figure out what is causing it. I’ve been blaming it on a myriad of personal trials I’ve been going through recently which I will not discuss here but suffice it to say that it’s all a bunch of government meddling and red tape. Stuff I’d really rather not deal with but don’t really have a choice in the matter.

Frankly, I’d love to just tell them all exactly where to stick it. And if you know me, you know it’s difficult for me to just step back and NOT speak my mind.

Anyway, as I was sitting here thinking about things last night, I realized that although I *am* very peeved at all that stuff, what’s really happening is that I’ve dealt with things on the surface but never really given myself the chance to feel everything that’s happened in the past few years, specifically the collapse of my marriage.

It’s been almost 18 months since he and I split and even though I took some time the first 4-5 months to reassess things and adjust to life as a single parent, I never really mourned the loss of the relationship. I never really let myself grieve over the betrayal I felt. Life was so busy at the time that when I did take some time out for myself, I just tried to focus on making sure the kids were ok and getting them through all the changes.

Bottom line is – I neglected me.

And now it’s time to change that. So, I’m taking some time this week to sort through stuff and figure out where I stand in all this. I feel like I’m getting to the end of the process and almost to where I can TRULY move on.

Until next time . . . keep blazin’!

As I’m sure you’re aware, I’ve been rather quiet off and on here over the past several months. Part of it is due to being busy with various aspects life – kids, family, friends, work, education, etc – and it seems like this blog has been neglected. Please don’t take it personally.

Because, honestly, the biggest reason for my absence is that things have been rough for me on an emotional level.

It seems that a lot of bloggers out there will write about everything or pretty close it, even fairly personal things. They go to their blogs and let off steam about the daily pressures of life. Some of them share juicy details about divorces, kids problems, personal issues, female issues and all manner of other subjects.

That’s not me.

And because I couldn’t put on a mask of happiness and pretend things were fine, I haven’t been here.

I’ve wished to be here. Thought about coming by and writing something – anything – but nothing spilled out when I touched the keyboard. So I just left and said nothing at all.

Sometimes space is all we need.

Many of you have sent me personal messages here or via email or on Facebook and I thank you for those. It’s made feel like I still had a place somewhere. I deeply treasure those messages and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

But today . . . today I am trying to come back and break through all of the confusion.

I don’t really know where it’s all going yet but I’m hoping with your support, I’ll figure out where I belong.

Be blessed . . . and keep blazin’!